Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Superman


I took a vacation from blogging...well actually I've been hiding out & not because of writer's block. I've actually had to much to say, too many feelings, too many fears. I knew that when I typed it out it would become real. I would be forced to face it, too accept it & try to make since of it.... lymphoma... I have lymphoma.... I also have faith, hope, youth, strength & a baby boy in a superman cape. It's been a very surreal month. I've put on a positive, no fear, it'll be a piece of cake face as I gave family members the news. I have fought back tears determined not to let lucy lymphoma see me cry. I finally got the big test results back that she has not spread, she is completely contained with in my lymphoid & I will kick her ass next week when they remove all of her out of my neck :) I have now cried... released my breath, my fears & my guilt. I feel relief, happiness & fear. Fear that she might return & I will have to do this all over again through out my life ;( I will not devote any energy into that fear. I am happy & can not wait until next week when she is removed! I have to say that Ashton's extra kisses, hugs, pats on the head & new continuous question "mommy I like superman?" what he's really meaning to ask is "Mommy am I like superman?" I respond with "Yes, you will always be my hero."